Forum: Uncovering & Overcoming Hidden Barriers to Mental Health Care

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The Support You Wish You Had

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Looking back, what kind of support — from family, friends, a professional, or a community — do you wish had been there for you sooner? What would it have changed?

7 replies

Danielle 15 days, 15 hours ago
Maybe Disabilities Aren't Created By the Differences We're Born With, But Are Created By How We Educate and Our Expectations of Normal

Originally written in 2007.

Albert Einstein, Whoopi Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Nelson Rockefeller, Richard Branson, Ted Turner, Steve McQueen, Leonardo da Vinci, Robin Williams….Nobel Prize Winner, Genius, Actress, Talk Show Host, Inventor, Vice President, Billionaire Businessman, Media Mogul, Actor, Painter, Comedian….ADHD, Dyslexia, Autism, Aspergers, learning disabilities, attention disorders, behavior problems.  One list of people.  Two sets of labels.  Those labels both describe the same list of people.  Labels have power and they can be limiting, but from just this small subset of a truly large list of talented and accomplished individuals, we have to recognize that not only should we not allow labels to be limiting, we need to quit trying to bucket people into categories.  We spend too much time trying to find what is wrong with a student or child rather than encouraging the unique ways that people interact with the world and helping them to blossom into the great person they can be.  We also fail to recognize, on many levels, how we are designed as human beings.

Largely, this article will focus on ADHD, but my thoughts extend to those who have been identified with other “disabilities.”   I respect that there is something structurally and functionally different about the brain of individuals with ADHD than those who are considered "neurotypical", but I'm not sure that this difference is correctly identified as a disability.

With so much evidence that so many individuals with ADD/ADHD are highly successful, creative individuals, who’s to say that this is not an indication of advanced brain functioning?  We don’t say that individuals who are poor singers, dancers, artists, sportsmen are disordered; however, we have only arbitrarily decided that reading, writing and ‘rithmatic are the subjects by which we would set our standards.  Truly, when humans inhabited this earth, these were not the skills that were required.  We needed to be able to farm the land and survive.  Throughout evolution, somewhere along the line, some majority decided that this is the way the brain should optimally work, that people should be forced to sit and be still and learn in this fashion or they are “disordered.”  As I have watched, those with the attention deficit diagnoses tend to excel in other areas, particularly arts and sports.  No, I have not gathered up these children and conducted testing to support my hypothesis, but I’ve witnessed enough to wage an argument that I’m not so sure I agree how we determine what is or is not a disorder or disability.  I also would strongly argue that we need to accommodate different learning styles and allow our youth more opportunities to have success. We need to recognize different talents and steer people towards their skills.  This will build esteem and keep them engaged.

We did not initially inhabit this planet as a species to be still and studious, sitting 6-8 hours a day in classrooms or working in the corporate world.  We needed to be very physically active to farm, survive and evolve.  The active, creative brain that we find in the individuals that we call disordered served us well in making the great advancements that we needed throughout time.  I see this as evidence less of a disorder and more as individual differences.  Many struggle with taking in information in various formats and are capable of great achievements.  It is the labels themselves that often create the disabilities.I Go back to my example about expectations around sports and arts. If we expected non-athletic children, those who couldn’t sing, or those who were not artists to have to suddenly develop this talent, to be forced to spend the entire day trying to achieve this, labeling them, and in some cases trying to find a way, if possible to medicate them in order to enhance their athletic, creative or other abilities., we would see our mild-mannered bookworms acting out due to the frustration, ridicule and inability to please the adults around them.

This is not meant to be cavalier about neurodivergence, it's only meant to challenge us to think about whether a more inclusive world could level the playing field.

When it comes to neurodivergence, we need to recognize the areas where these individuals excel and not just focus on them as “disordered.”  Simply because they do not fit the mold of what a typical learner should be does not mean that their brain is not functioning exactly as it was meant or that they are not designed to achieve great things.

(***It's important to note that there have been many advancements in school curriculum and charter schools that create more inclusive learning environments since this article was originally written.)
Danielle 8 days, 19 hours ago
Justice for Xavier

“We’re sorry we didn’t know you were suffering,” “Justice for Xavier”...
The signs outside Benjamin Franklin High School in Highland Park, CA following the horrific suicide of 17-year-old Xavier Nungaray-Martinez call for justice and express sorrow over not knowing he was being bullied.
For young people or adults who are suffering from or witnessing bullying and are afraid to speak up, we have posted a number of resources: https://communityserve.us/wall-of-hope/#justice-for-xavier
Parents & community members describe the school as a “Culture of Chaos” and call for police presence in the schools.
What does JUSTICE even look like for a teen BULLIED and BEATEN to the point that following a VIOLENT ASSAULT in a classroom he was so DESPERATE TO ESCAPE THE TORMENT that he threw himself over the railing of a fourth floor balcony in search of relief?
Is JUSTICE:
  • Holding the school staff responsible?
  • Punishing the bullies?
  • Police in schools?
  • More accessible mental health resources in schools?
Perhaps, better questions might be:
  • What is going on in the lives of these young bullies that they are expressing so much hate, anger, and physical aggression?
  • Why isn’t coping skills, anger management, empathy, and emotional regulation a mandatory part of school curriculum?
  • How do we better identify and address young people at-risk of becoming bullies?

Tell Us What Justice Looks Like and How We End Bullying In Schools.

Danielle 8 days, 19 hours ago (edited)
Earlier today, a visitor on one of our social media accounts shared that the bullies' parents should be arrested.  What do you think?  Is parental accountability the answer?

And, how do we prevent situations from getting to this point?
daniel0724-007 1 day, 14 hours ago
I know the more i have actually  dove into counseling the more i have had to face myself and my actions. The addiction part
Could have been alot less severe as my undestanding changed. I no longer wanted to numb the trauma i wanted to out it at bay for good. It has taken over a decade of in and out of treatment to get the care i so needed. I can say that the dual diagnosis has improved and i get the best treatment when i am open minded
Danielle 12 hours ago
I'm sure that a lot of people who have a history of trauma and are still trapped in silence (and, maybe numbing with food, drugs, alcohol, sex) would love to hear more about what really changed inside you that gave you the bravery to face it down in therapy...with a stranger.  Often, the first step is the hardest and when trauma is the reason a person needs therapy, fear can keep them frozen and in that pattern of numbing.  I think that hearing how others turned that corner can be extremely helpful.
Jamisha Mulder 16 hours ago
I too dove into the support I wish I never had and discovered not doing anything, time is going to go by anyway and it felt like people were pushing me around. Not being fortified with the support you need be it community or a friend, it can definitely be a strain and it can make you feel like your choices are a buffer so it is important to realize  you need a safety net. Often times when we are in an uncomfortable situation and our defense mechanisms are short circuiting, we can use our mindfulness skills because a little goes a long way. Building that bridge from experience and inner strength is laying down the foundation of wholesome recovery. I feel like if I would have recovered sooner my relationships would force me to change into something more pertain able but it depends how you look at it.
This is a great self help and opportunity to give back and strengthen the gaps.
Danielle 12 hours ago
This reminds me of a recent clip we posted where we discussed how much a person misses out on when they get trapped in the "prison cell" that is maladaptive coping skills, like substance abuse, excessive gambling, overeating, over-spending, etc.: https://youtube.com/shorts/t0lnW7jyHG0.  I like that you mention using mindfulness to help when defense mechanisms are short circuiting.  For a lot of our viewers, that probably sounds like a trendy buzzword.  Would you be able to help describe what you mean by that: how to actually do it and how it's helped you?

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